lost

by mandaceehb

days spent like fiercely burning candles, wasting away, wax dripping and legs running and mind whirring and flame steadily glowing. days packed and packeted into neat compartments of monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday but increasingly they repeat and the clean cut boxes are morphing into one huge cycle, lines blurring. all day long i do the same things; all night long i wonder and wander.

the future looms and i do not have it organised and compartmentalised like this routine i have been forcefully shoved into. the future looms and it is a wavering flame, potentially snuffed out by the cold night winds of our humid city. i am trembling with the fire, unsure, unconfident. i don’t have my wax trial planned and charted on world maps like everybody here seems to. all i do is stand here smiling as yet one more person asks me what i intend to do with my life; shrug my shoulders and melt into the ground, runny wax smiles fading away.

the nights without plans drift by like a lazy blaze; maybe when all the routine dissolves away and i have to extricate myself from this natural-feeling clockwork i will find myself lost again, growing up.

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