dreaming, sleeping, awakening:

by mandaceehb

3 states of consciousness that exist.


A state where everything we think is real is truthfully unreal. A time when we took spoken word as gospel truth, when our utmost worries circled around unkind ice-cream aunties in the canteen and broken glass slides in science labs. When our lives revolved around yellow and white checkered boards and hopscotch outlines in the parade square, where fitness corners were really not for doing anything fitness-related. We spoke to anyone without fear.


Everything is real, but we are not aware of that. We thought nothing of pinafores that drooped over our knees and messy hair after physical education class. We only know of how things are; nothing of what they are supposed to be. We wore loose jeans, knew nothing of pop music, instead equipped with an uncanny vocabulary of Mandopop songs, unconsciously accumulated over the years of Chinese radio stations in the car.


We are too painfully aware of everything. It is a thin line, and we are expected to know what is in and what is out. The whispers are more often than not figments of our over-imagination, but they echo the loudest like tidal waves crashing down. And as the waves recede everything appears painted in a new light: the world is flooded with tragedy, poverty, sadness, misfortune, death. So many things are bigger than us yet it is so difficult to step out of our bubble, so we remember and forget the bigness of the greater world intermittently. Who is good, who is bad; who is popular, who is not; who is rich, who is poor; who is smart, who is stupid, we obsess over categories as if our lives depended on them, and these categories dictate what we can do with each person. But maybe without these boundaries now we cannot determine who we are.

It is all about appearances, so fake a smile and nobody will question your act. It is not what we experience at night: once you awaken, you cannot hide in a dream again.