18

by mandaceehb

somehow it felt like I would stay seventeen forever; for years and years and indefinite lengths of time. it felt like i would always fill in personal information with ’17’, summarise social media biographies with ’17’, be barred from watching M18 movies always. but i guess it’s the same inertia we feel every time a new year begins; writing 2014 behind the date and admonishing ourselves for absent-mindedness. pretty soon 18 will be normal- everything peters out into normalcy with time.

it just feels a little strange now, this small sense of being quite a lot older, being accorded more legal power, yet still living the exact same life. perhaps i will realise how different things are/ can be after all this is over, and the weight of a moment is really just what it is, not saddled with guilt and regret and extra grams of knowledge of opportunity costs that accompany every move. perhaps when i’m truly free 18 will welcome me with open arms.

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